When There is Nothing Left

Twin Cities, Minnesota Photographer

As I watched our Minnesota sun set, I waited for peace to wash over me.  I longed for the supernatural stillness I have come to depend on.  Instead, I felt my heart race.  Anxiety crept into my mind and heart.  I felt disappointed.   I watched the sun dip below the horizon and resigned to my apprehension.

(One might blame tachycardia on caffiene, but there is no such thing as too much coffee.) 

While our family knows we are where we are supposed to be and doing what we are called to do, taking in a child has been challenging.  Many sleepless nights, mental breaks, and silent tears have led to an utter dependence on something greater than myself.  Countless moments of near giving-up have clearly indicated I am at the end of me.  More than once I have come to the point where I have nothing left to give.  No matter how deep I dig, I find no reserves.  There is no hidden ounce of patience, no tiny speck of strength.  I am done.

We have these moments in different ways, at different times.  You come to the end of yourself while fighting an addiction, eating disorder, or illness.  You run out of strength when a loved one clings to life, has just been diagnosed, or as left this world.  You run out of patience with your own children, job, or marriage.  You and I, we are limited.  We can only go so far and dig so deep. Our reserves are finite.

And when my reserves are depleted and I cannot lift my head, let alone another child, the miracle happens.   Inexplicable patience, strength, and love overflow.  Without reason (or caffeine), I have a peace that transcends understanding.  A stillness. Every single one of these moments occurs after deep prayer.  Sometimes, the prayer is my own utterance, other times it is a prayer straight from scripture, more often it is the prayer of a friend.  When I cannot go on or even form an adult sentence, the prayers of others have enveloped me.  The hard comes, and makes life easier.

So I worry about the hard leaving.  I sat in anxiety as the sun disappeared, because what will happen when life is comfortable again?  How will we respond?  When you and I can carry our burdens and create our charmed little American Dream, then what? Will the miracles cease? Will we stop crying out to the Creator to fill us?

A few minutes later, I glanced out the window and saw a breathtaking display of beauty. Deep purples and vibrant pinks replaced the yellow-orange glow of the sun.  Just when I had given up on stillness, it came.  A still small voice reminded me that His plan is so much larger.  I felt that gentle reminder that my end is not His end.  When I think He is done, when I give up,  He comes.  And He comes with a radiant beauty beyond my imagination.

As darkness crept across the sky and night was overtaking, the sunset became intense.  Vibrant colors contrasted with deep black sky.  Recently, I was told that joy is more profound in the difficult times, in the darkness.  I believe that.

The Holy Spirit is not done with us; He will work long after we have given up.  And when darkness threatens to overtake us, beauty will come closer than ever before.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
— Philippians 4:6-7
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
— Matthew 5:3-4

Lifestyle Photography Project 365(ish) | Buffalo, MN

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As a Lifestyle and Portrait Photographer in Minnesota and based in Buffalo, MN, Danielle Geri Photography picture-takes all over perfect state of Minnesota.  Specializing in Lifestyle photography and providing Newborn, Maternity, Child, Family, Senior, and Wedding photography to Central MN, Minnesota’s Metro and West Metro. Areas served include, but are not limited to, Buffalo, Maple Lake, St. Paul, Minneapolis, Monticello, Dassel-Cokato, Andover, Wayzeta, Plymouth, Big Lake, Otsego, and Wilmar, MN.

Source: www.DanielleGeriPhotography.com